In the realm of parenting, achieving childhood milestones can often feel like navigating a labyrinth without a map. Each child is a distinct entity with their own timeline for development and needs that may differ significantly from their siblings. Kristen Bell recently highlighted this reality through her personal anecdotes in an episode of “Momsplaining with Kristen Bell.”
Bell’s experience with her two daughters—Delta, aged five, and Lincoln, seven—exemplifies the need for adaptable approaches in parenting, particularly concerning milestones like potty training. While Lincoln was successfully potty trained by the age of 21 months, Bell continues to face challenges with Delta, who remains in diapers at five and a half years old. Initially, their confidence in a straightforward method for potty training Lincoln led to unexpected hurdles with Delta. This anecdote reflects a critical point of failure among many parents: the assumption that one method can universally work across different children.
This notion resonates with many parents who become fixated on a singular path to promote their children’s development. Families often share strategies or stories of success that may not translate effectively within their own dynamics, stressing the need for a more nuanced understanding of child-rearing. With Delta, Bell realized that every child has unique requirements and responses, ultimately leading her to reconsider their previous approach to potty training.
Experts in child development support this perspective. Alma Gottlieb, a Professor Emerita of Anthropology, emphasized that cultural and environmental influences shape the age at which children become potty-trained. Data suggests that in the United States, only half of children are fully trained by age three, while in some cultures, children are achieving this milestone much earlier. This discrepancy demonstrates that methods and timelines of developmental milestones are not only varied, but also intertwined with a multitude of factors such as accessibility to resources, parenting philosophies, and sociocultural norms.
In Bell’s case, her own experience with different parenting tactics meant realizing that what worked with Lincoln might not bear the same results with Delta. This embodies a core truth in parenting: flexibility is essential for navigating the unique milestones of each child.
Dr. Laura Markham, a clinical psychologist, also weighs in on the potty training discussion, pointing out that children, especially at the age of Delta, are often preoccupied with play and may not recognize their bodily cues in time to make it to the bathroom. Markham recommends that parents maintain an active role in encouraging routine potty breaks throughout the day and offering gentle reminders for children to listen to their bodies. Encouragement, rather than punishment, emerges as a recurring theme in Dr. Markham’s advice.
This perspective shifts the conversation from a punitive approach to one rooted in support and understanding. Rather than comparing children to one another or imposing timelines based on previous successes, the focus should be on fostering a nurturing environment that respects the pace of each child’s individual progress.
Bell’s narrative, as well as the insights from Gottlieb and Markham, collectively calls for a cultural shift in how milestones are perceived within families and society. Parenting, particularly in today’s fast-paced world, can sometimes create pressure to conform to a set standard of success—yet it is paramount that each child’s journey is met with patience and understanding.
The flexibility to adapt to a child’s needs not only alleviates stress but also cultivates a space conducive to genuine growth and self-awareness in children. As Bell has shown, the landscape of parenting is fluid, and there is no singular roadmap to follow. Embracing diversity in developmental timelines ultimately leads to a more holistic and compassionate approach to raising children, allowing them to thrive at their own pace without the shadows of comparison or judgment.
The wisdom derived from Bell’s experiences—coupled with the observations of child development experts—emphasizes the importance of recognizing that every child’s path is unique. This understanding should encourage parents to forge their own courses, celebrate small victories, and embrace the beautiful chaos that comes with nurturing a new generation.