During a recent playdate that naturally transitioned into dinner, a lighthearted discussion about bedtimes took a rather curious turn. While parents were hurriedly packing up to ensure their toddler made it home by 8 pm for bedtime, my husband Pat and I exchanged bemused glances. The laughter soon faded when we learned the reason for their urgency: their child’s day began at the ungodly hour of 5:30 in the morning. In contrast, our three-year-old daughter, Lucy, has enjoyed a comfortable 10 pm bedtime since she was a mere infant, well away from the early wake-up calls that seem to plague many families.
This stark contrast in sleep schedules left us in disbelief. How could anyone function on such little sleep? After all, the last time our daughter woke at such an early hour was during her newborn phase, and it was a far cry from the robust routine we now cherish.
Finding Our Rhythm
Reflecting on our expectations during pregnancy, I recall Pat’s query regarding a baby’s sleeping habits. “Will she be in bed by 7 or 7:30?” he had asked, an implication of our busy lifestyle evident in his tone. As a federal employee often tied up with emergencies and late-night work commitments, he was accustomed to returning home at 8 or 9 o’clock. This reality clashed with our pre-parenthood lifestyle, which prioritized freedom and spontaneity. Nevertheless, we were determined to carve out a family schedule that would accommodate our needs.
As Lucy transitioned from newborn sleep cycles to longer stretches of rest, we began to redefine what a family bedtime could look like. Initially, it felt like entering uncharted territory when, around two months old, Lucy managed to sleep for eight hours straight. This breakthrough allowed me the time I needed to prepare for my return to work remotely in August 2020.
Now, years later, by maintaining this routine, we’ve developed not only a manageable schedule for Lucy but also ensured quality time for ourselves as a couple.
Maintaining a later timeline results in an unexpected luxury: a peaceful morning ritual for Pat and me. Each day, we rise earlier than Lucy, enjoying quiet moments with coffee and conversation. We share laughter as we catch up on late-night event highlights—images of joy while our daughter remains blissfully unaware of the rush that is sometimes associated with parenting.
The mornings culminate in the final act of getting Lucy ready for school. It’s a delightful challenge, as her enthusiasm often outweighs our desire for efficiency. Nevertheless, this structured morning time allows us to be present with her, preparing to face the day as a united family.
As the day winds down, Lucy and I typically stroll home from school, our routine punctuated by a playful stop at the playground on pleasant days. Eventually, we arrive home, where Lucy occupies herself with imaginative play while I prepare dinner. This collaborative effort—her excitement about “helping” me in the kitchen—strengthens our bond and infuses joy into our evening.
Pat’s arrival home is often heralded by a text message—“OTWLU” (On the Way, Love You)—that heralds the moment of zest. Lucy, upon hearing the door, launches herself into his embrace, embodying the warmth of family love, merging our separate lives into one enriching family experience over dinner.
It’s a mischaracterization to portray our routine as simple or straightforward. Like many other families, we encounter hurdles—sometimes Lucy resists bedtime, revealing the cheeky spirit of youth. Yet, this flexibility in our routine creates space for engaging family interactions.
Our decision to allow Lucy to maintain a later bedtime creates an opportunity for us to immerse ourselves fully in our family life, eliminating the need to juggle dinners at different times. A common issue among our peers, who often manage strict early evening schedules, is the loss of quality family interactions.
By crafting a different approach, we can relish in the small moments. Our weekends remain free from the tyranny of early rising, presenting us with relaxation on Saturday mornings, where we can enjoy the luxury of sleeping in.
Plus, this flexibility grants us opportunities for spontaneous dinner outings and leisurely vacations, devoid of the stress typically associated with earlier bedtimes.
According to our pediatrician, Lucy’s sleep habits are perfectly acceptable, with her daytime naps preserving her overall well-being. As we contemplate the future—when Lucy may eventually give up her nap and bedtime changes inevitably follow—we embrace our unique family rhythm with gratitude.
Ultimately, our distinctive approach may not align with conventional parenthood narratives, but it has flourished in a way that suits our family’s dynamics. Unconventional as it may be, it’s a lifestyle I would not trade for anything—highlighting the fact that there isn’t a one-size-fits-all when it comes to parenting. Through our unique routine, we celebrate our journey while nurturing a connection built on love and understanding.